I was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer some time ago, and on the spur on the moment wrote this sketch based on the Cheese Shop sketch and set in Giles's Magic Box magic shop. Enjoy.
                                                                       
                                                                                                                                             ~ Cardinal Fang

Scene: The Magic Box. A Customer enters the shop. There is a bouzouki player and two men in suits and bowler hats dancing.
  
CUSTOMER: Good Morning.
  
SHOP OWNER: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the Magic Box!
 
CUSTOMER: Ah, thank you, my good man.
 
SHOP OWNER: What can I do for you, Sir?
 
CUSTOMER: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Rogue Herries" by Hugh Walpole, and I doing some Diably.
 
SHOP OWNER: Diably, Sir?
 
CUSTOMER: Black arts.
 
SHOP OWNER: Eh?
 
CUSTOMER: (Lancashire accent) I wanted to cast a spell.
 
SHOP OWNER: Ah, spell casting!
 
CUSTOMER: (back to normal voice) In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "some conjuration constituents will do the trick," so I curtailed my Walpoling activates, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some mystic elements!
 
SHOP OWNER: Come again?
 
CUSTOMER: I want to buy magic ingredients.
  
SHOP OWNER: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player!
 
CUSTOMER: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
 
SHOP OWNER: Sorry?
 
CUSTOMER: (Lancashire accent again) ‘Eeee, I like a nice tune, 'yer forced too!
 
SHOP OWNER: So he can go on playing, can he?
 
CUSTOMER: (Normal voice) Most certainly! Now then, some magic ingredients if you please, my good man.
 
SHOP OWNER: Certainly, Sir. What would you like?
 
CUSTOMER: Well, eh, how about a little wing of Bat.
 
SHOP OWNER: I'm afraid we're fresh out of Bat’s wings, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: Oh, never mind, how are you on spiders?
 
SHOP OWNER: I'm afraid we never have them at the end of the week, Sir, we get them fresh on Monday.
 
CUSTOMER: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four pints of Dragon’s blood, if you please.
 
SHOP OWNER: Ah! It's been on order, Sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
 
CUSTOMER: It's not my lucky day, is it? Er, unicorn horn?
 
SHOP OWNER: Sorry, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: Nightshade?
 
SHOP OWNER: Normally say yes. Today the van broke down.
 
CUSTOMER: Ah. Mercury?
 
SHOP OWNER: Sorry.
 
CUSTOMER: Sulphur?
 
SHOP OWNER: No.
 
CUSTOMER: Rat’s spleens?
 
SHOP OWNER: (pause) No.
 
CUSTOMER: Mistletoe, holly, arsenic, lizard’s tails, crushed beetles, mouldy socks?
 
SHOP OWNER: No.
 
CUSTOMER: Frogspawn, perhaps?
 
SHOP OWNER: Ah! We have frogspawn, yes Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: (surprised) You do! Excellent.
 
SHOP OWNER: Yes Sir. It's... ah... it's a bit runny...
 
CUSTOMER: Oh, I like it runny.
 
SHOP OWNER: Well... It's very runny, actually, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: No matter. Fetch hither les oeufs de la grenouille! Mmm!
 
SHOP OWNER: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: I don't care f*cking how runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
 
SHOP OWNER: Oooooooooohhh........!
 
CUSTOMER: What now?
 
SHOP OWNER: The fyarl demon’s eaten it.
 
CUSTOMER: (pause) Has he.
 
SHOP OWNER: She, Sir.
 
Pause
 
CUSTOMER: Salamanders?
 
SHOP OWNER: No.
 
CUSTOMER: Weevils?
 
SHOP OWNER: No.
 
CUSTOMER: Poison Ivy?
 
SHOP OWNER: No.
 
CUSTOMER: Scarabs?
 
SHOP OWNER: No.
 
CUSTOMER: Armadillo bile?
 
SHOP OWNER: No, Sir.

CUSTOMER: You do have some magic ingredients, don't you?
 
SHOP OWNER: Of course, Sir. It's a magic shop, Sir. We've got...
 
CUSTOMER: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
 
SHOP OWNER: Fair enough.
 
CUSTOMER: Uuuuummm, Seaweed.
 
SHOP OWNER: Yes?
 
CUSTOMER: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
 
SHOP OWNER: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, Sir. Mister Seaweed, that's my name.
 
Pause
 
CUSTOMER: Pig’s ears?
 
SHOP OWNER: Er, not as such.
 
CUSTOMER: Dried pixies,
 
SHOP OWNER: No
 
CUSTOMER: Manticore livers,
 
SHOP OWNER: No
 
CUSTOMER: Griffin’s tongues?
 
SHOP OWNER: No
 
CUSTOMER: Venezuelan Aardvark testicles?
 
SHOP OWNER: Not today, Sir, no.
 
CUSTOMER: Aah, how about eye of newt?
 
SHOP OWNER: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: Not much ca… It's the single most popular magic ingredient in the world!
 
SHOP OWNER: Not 'round here, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: And what is the most popular ingredient 'round here?
 
SHOP OWNER: Adder’s fork, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: Is it.
 
SHOP OWNER: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
 
CUSTOMER: Is it.
 
SHOP OWNER: It's our number one best seller, Sir!
 
CUSTOMER: I see. Er... adder’s fork, eh?
 
SHOP OWNER: Right, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: All right. Okay. I'm game.  'Have you got any?' he asks, expecting the answer 'no'.
 
SHOP OWNER: I'll have a look, Sir. Nnnnnnooooooo.
 
CUSTOMER: It's not much of a magic shop, is it?
 
SHOP OWNER: Finest in the district!
 
CUSTOMER:  Explain the logic underlying that conclusion.
 
SHOP OWNER: Well, it's so clean, Sir!
 
CUSTOMER: It's certainly uncontaminated by magic stuff....
 
SHOP OWNER: You haven't asked me about Owlet’s wing , Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: Is it worth it?
 
SHOP OWNER: Could be....
 
CUSTOMER: Have you... Will you shut that bloody dancing off!!
 
SHOP OWNER: Told you so....
 
CUSTOMER: Have you got any Owlet’s wing?
 
SHOP OWNER: No.
 
CUSTOMER: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me...
 
SHOP OWNER: Yes Sir?
 
CUSTOMER: Have you in fact got any magic things here at all.
 
SHOP OWNER: Yes, Sir.
  
CUSTOMER: Really?
 
Pause
 
SHOP OWNER: No. Not really, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: You haven't.
 
SHOP OWNER: No Sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, Sir.
 
CUSTOMER: Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
 
SHOP OWNER: Right-o, Sir.
 
The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.
 
CUSTOMER: What a senseless waste of human life.