I Want To Buy Some Cheese...

  

 

  

A list of cheeses normally sold in Mr. Wensleydale's Cheese shop 

(Of course, he's all sold out at the moment)
 

 

There are 43 cheeses mentioned in the original Cheese Shop sketch. In later versions, such as the on the The Monty Python Matching Tie and Handkerchief album (and other recordings and live shows) John Cleese also added "Greek Feta" to the list, and Sage Derby became "Japanese Sage Derby".

 

 

Cheese

Reply

Red Leicester

"I'm afraid we're fresh out of Red Leicester, Sir."

Tilsit

"Never at the end of the week, Sir, always get it fresh first thing on Monday"

Caerphilly

"Well it's been on order for two weeks sir. Was expecting it this morning"

Bel Paese

"Sorry"

Red Windsor

"Normally say yes. But today the van broke down"

Stilton

"Sorry"

Emmenthal

"No" (cheeses mentioned together in the same sentence)

Gruyère

Norwegian Jarlsburg

"No"

Liptauer

"No"

Lancashire

"No"

White Stilton

"No"

Danish Blue

"No"

Double Gloucester

pauses before answering - "No"

Cheshire

"No"

Dorset Blue Vinney

"No"

Brie

 

Roquefort

 

Pont l’Évêque

 

Port Salut

 

Savoyard

 

Saint-Paulin

 

Carré de l’Est

 

Boursin

 

Bresse Bleu

 

Perle de Champagne

Only mentioned in the original sketch, not in the recordings

Camembert

Ah! We do have some Camembert, sir... It's a bit runny, sir... Well, as a matter of fact it's very runny, sir...  I think it's runnier than you like it, sir... Yes, sir." "The cat's eaten it."

Gouda

"No"

Edam

"No"

Caithness

"No"

Smoked Austrian

"No"

(Japanese) Sage Derby

"No" (In the original version it is just "Sage Derby". It becomes "Japanese Sage Derby by the recordings).

Wensleydale

Oh! I'm sorry sir, I thought you were referring to me. Mister Wensleydale

Gorgonzola

"No"

Parmesan

"No"

Mozzarella

"No"

Pipo Crème

"No"

Greek Feta

"No"

Danish Fynbo

"No"

Czechoslovakian Sheep's Milk Cheese

"No"

Venezuelan Beaver Cheese

"Not today, Sir, no"

Cheddar

"Well, I'm afraid we don't get much call for it around these parts, Sir"

Ilchester

"I'll have a look, Sir" (looks) "No"

Limburger

"No"

   

   

This is then followed with:

 

Customer: Do you have any cheese at all?

Wensleydale: Yes, Sir.  

Customer: Now I'm going to ask you that question once more and if you say No I'm going to shoot you through the head. Now, do you have any cheese at all?

Wensleydale: No  

 

The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.

 

Customer: What a senseless waste of human life.

 

 

 

 

 

Back to Lists index