Inspector Dim: If I were not in the CID
Something else I'd like to be.
If I were not in the CID
A window cleaner, me!
With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub
And a rub-a-dub all day long.
With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub
I'd sing this merry song!
Inspector Dim and the Court: If I were not in the CID
Something else I'd like to be.
If I were not in the CID
A window cleaner, me!
With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub
And a rub-a-dub all day long.
With a scrub-a-dub-dub and a rub-a-dub-dub
I'd sing this very song! Hey!
[music stops]
Counsel: If I were not before the bar
Something else I'd like to be.
If I were not a barrister
An engine driver me!
With a chuff-chuff-chuff and a chuff-chuff-chuff--
[silence]
Inspector Dim: Graham Chapman
Counsel: John Cleese
