ADVERTISEMENTS/ ALBATROSS
 

Cut to animated sign saying 'Intermission '.

 

Voice Over: (T.J.) There will now be a whopping great intermission, during which small ice creams in very large boxes will be sold. Another way we can drive people away from the cinema is by showing you advertisements.

  

Intermission changes to adverts. Animated title: 'Pearls For Swine Presents'. Shots of various cars with young ladies posing on them.

 

Voice Over: (E.I.) Do you like this? Or how about this? Or perhaps you prefer this latest model. Then why not come to us. We supply only the very best models. (a card saying 'Soho Motors 2nd floor' an a board with advertisement cards for 'Rita' etc.; cut to a restaurant) After the show why not visit the La Gondola Restaurant. Just two minutes from this performance. The manager Mr Luigi Vercotti will be pleased to welcome you and introduce you to a wide variety of famous Sicilian delicacies. (as Vercotti (M.P.) poses for the camera policemen bundle his staff and several half-dressed girls through and out of the restaurant) Here you can relax in comfort in friendly surroundings. Or if you wish, you may drink and dance till midnight. At the La Gondola Restaurant you can sample all the spicy pleasures of the Mediterranean. The head waiter will be pleased to show you his specialities. Or why not ask the cook for something really hot? (the police remove a chef carrying a 8mm projector and film) Yes, for an evening you will never forget - it's the La Gondola Restaurant, Chelsea, Parkhurst, Dartmoor and the Scrubs. (the police remove Mr Vercotti)

'Pearls for Swine' closing title.

 

Cut to corner of cinema. A man in an ice-cream girl's uniform is standing in a spotlight with an ice-cream tray with an albatross on it.
 
Man: (J.C.) Albatross! Albatross! Albatross!Albatross
 
A customer approaches him.
 
Customer: (T.J.) Two choc-ices please.
 
Man: I haven't got choc-ices. I only got the albatross. Albatross!
 
Customer: What flavour is it?
 
Man: It's a bird, innit. It's a bloody sea birdů it's not any bloody flavour. Albatross!
 
Customer: Do you get wafers with it?
 
Man: Course you don't get bloody wafers with it. Albatross!
 
Customer: How much is it?
 
Man: Nine pence.
 
Customer: I'll have two please.
 
Man: Gannet on a stick.
 
The camera zooms past back onto the screen. On screen appears another 'Intermission' sign.
  
First Voice Over:
There will now be a very short...
  
The intermission sign explodes.
  
Animated Captions: 'NOW SHOWING AT OTHER DANK CINEMAS'
'AT THE PORTNOY CINEMA PICCADILLY'
'WINNER OF THE GOLDEN PALM, TORREMOLINOS'
'RAINWEAR THROUGH THE AGES'
'COMING SOON'
'AT THE JODRELL CINEMA, COCKFOSTERS'
   
Second Voice Over: (T.G.) The management regrets that it will not be showing a feature film this evening as it eats into the profits'
   

 

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