BICYCLE REPAIR MAN
Superman film: shot from below of Superman (M.P.) striding along against the sky.
Commentator (J.C.): (American accent) This man is no ordinary man. This is Mr. F. G. Superman. To all appearances, he looks like any other law-abiding citizen.
Pull back to reveal he is in a modern street full of Supermen walking along shopping, waiting at bus queues etc. F. G. Superman gets onto a bus. The bus is full of Supermen, most of them with shopping baskets on their knees. F. G. Supermen finds a seat...during the commentary the camera slowly tracks in on his face.
Commentator: But Mr. F. G. Superman has a secret identity...when trouble strikes at any time...at any place...he is ready to become... Bicycle Repair Man!
The camera is by now in very tight close-up. Cut to a country lane. A superman rides into the shot on a bicycle, whistling innocently (T.J.). Suddenly he veers off to one side and crashes down into a ditch.
Cut to a launderette. Pan along a row of Supermen, one or two of whom are poring over magazines such as: 'The Adventures of an Insurance Broker', 'Income Tax Comics', and 'The Grocer'. Suddenly the door flies open and a youngish Superboy bursts in dramatically.
Superboy: (dramatically) Hey, there's a bicycle broken. Up the road. (he points dramatically)
F. G. Superman: (voice over) Hmmmmm. (Thinks) This sounds like a job for... Bicycle Repair Man...but how to change without revealing my secret identity?
Close-up on F. G. Superman. He narrows his eyes.
Superman #1 (J.C.): If only Bicycle Repair Man were here!
F. G. Superman: Yes. Wait! I think I know where I can find him - look over there!
F. G. Superman points out of window; they turn and look obediently. F. G. Superman whips overall out of case and puts them on.
Fantastically speeded-up for this. His overalls have 'Bicycle Repair Man' written across the chest. He completes the transformation with a pair of little round specs and a bag of tools. He makes for the door and all the Supermen turn and raise their hands in amazement.
Supermen: Bicycle Repair Man! But...how?!
A group of supermen digging a hole in the road.
First Superman (J.C.): Oh look - is it a Stockbroker?
Second Superman (G.C.): Is it a Quantity Surveyor?
Third Superman (T.J.): Is it a Church Warden?
All: No! It's BICYCLE REPAIR MAN!
Country road. Superman is standing over the mangled bits looking at it and scratching his head. Bicycle Repair Man speeds up to him. Superman stands back in surprise, with arms raised.
Superman: My! BICYCLE REPAIR MAN! Thank goodness you've come! (he points stiltedly) Look!
Bicycle Repair Man pushes him to one side and kneels beside the broken bicycle. Speeded-up: he mends the bike with spanners etc. Graphics.
A little group of Supermen has gathered to watch him work. As he does so they point in amazement.
Second Superman: Why! He's mending it with his own hands!
First Superman: See! How he uses a spanner to tighten that nut!
Cut to Bicycle Repair Man presenting the Superman with a glittering drop-handle barred bike.
Superman: Oh...Oh! Bicycle Repair Man! How can I ever repay you?
Bicycle Repair Man: Oh, you don't need to guv, it's all right, it's all in a days work for... Bicycle Repair Man! (he shuffles away)
Supermen: Our Hero!
Shot of Bicycle Repair Man shuffling, speeded up, into sunset
Commentator (still J.C.): Yes! Whenever bicycles are broken, or menaced by International Communism, Bicycle Repair Man is ready!
Cut to commentator in garden with earphones on, and in front of microphone, which is on a garden table.
Commentator: Ready to smash the communists, wipe them up, and shove them off the face of the earth...(his voice rises hysterically) Mash that dirty red scum, kick 'em in the teeth where it hurts. (commentator rises from his canvas chair, and flails about wildly, waving script, kicking over table, knocking down sunshade) Kill! Kill! Kill! The filthy bastard commies, I hate 'em! I hate 'em! Aaargh! Aaargh!
Wife: (off-screen) Norman! Tea's ready.
He immediately looks frightened, and goes docile.
Commentator: (calmly) Coming dear!
He gathers up his script, picks up chair, and walks out of frame. Pause, then the man in the suit of armour crosses frame after him.