It's Man: (M.P.) It's...


Opening animation.


Voice Over: and Caption: 'MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS'


Caption: 'EPISODES 17-26'
Caption: 'THE NAKED ANT'




Voice Over: I know you're down there.


Interior of a signal box. A signalman (T.J.) stands by the signal levers. He is attacked by a bear. He wrestles it for 3.48 seconds.




Two people seated opposite each other at a desk. Between them there is a large window. It appears that they are quite high up in a large office building. Every so often a body falls past the window. They are both working busily.

After a pause a body drops past the window. First Man talks. Second Man hasn't noticed.


First Man: (E.I.) Hey, did you see that?


Second Man: (J.C.) Uhm?


First Man: Did you see somebody go past the window?


Second Man: What?


First Man: Somebody just went past the window. That way. (indicates down)


Second Man: (flatly) Oh. Oh.


Second Man returns to his work. First Man looks for a little. As he starts to work again another body goes hurtling past the window.


First Man: Another one.


Second Man: Huh?


First Man: Another one just went past downwards.


Second Man: What?


First Man: Two people have just fallen out of that window to their almost certain death.


Second Man: Fine, fine. Fine.


First Man: Look! Two people (another falls) three people have just fallen past that window.


Second Man: Must be a board meeting.


First Man: Oh yeah. (another falls past) Hey. That was Wilkins of finance.


Second Man: Oh, no, that was Robertson.


First Man: Wilkins.


Second Man: Robertson.


First Man: Wilkins.


Second Man: Robertson.


Another falls.


First Man: That was Wilkins.


Second Man: That was Wilkins. He was a good, good, er, golfer, Wilkins.


First Man: Very good golfer. Very good golfer. Rotten at finance. It'll be Parkinson next.


Second Man: Bet you it won't.


First Man: How much.


Second Man: What?


First Man: How much do you bet it won't? Fiver?


Second Man: All right.


First Man: Done.


Second Man: You're on.


First Man: Fine. (shakes; they look at the window) Come on Parky.


Second Man: Don't do it Parky.


First Man: Come on Parky. Jump Parky. Jump.


Second Man: Come on now, be sensible Parky.


Cut to letter.


Voice Over: (G.C.) Dear Sir, I am writing to complain about that sketch about people failing out of a high building. I have worked all my life in such a building and have never once.... arrgghhh (splat)


Cut to film of man falling out of window.
Cut back to set. First Man has hands in the air jubilantly.


First Man: Parkinson!


Second Man: Johnson!


Animation (possibly incorporating falling) which leads us ingeniously into: A presenter at a desk. Urgent current-affairs-type music.


Superimposed caption: 'SPECTRUM'


Presenter: (M.P.) Good evening. Tonight 'Spectrum' looks at one of the major problems in the world today - that old vexed question of what is going on. Is there still time to confront it, let alone solve it, or is it too late? What are the figures, what are the facts, what do people mean when they talk about things? Alexander Hardacre of the Economic Affairs Bureau.


Cut to equally intense pundit in front of a graph with three different coloured columns with percentages at the top. He talks with great authority.


Hardacre: (G.C.) In this graph, this column represents 23% of the population. This column represents 28% of the population, and this column represents 43% of the population.


Cut back to presenter.


Presenter: Telling figures indeed, but what do they mean to you, what do they mean to me, what do they mean to the average man in the street? With me now is Professor Tiddles of Leeds University...


Pull out to reveal bearded professor sitting next to presenter.


Presenter: (J.C.) Professor, you've spent many years researching into things, what do you think?


Professor: I think it's too early to tell.


Cut to presenter, he talks even faster now.


Presenter: 'Too early to tell' ... too early to say... it means the same thing. The word 'say' is the same as the word 'tell'. They're not spelt the same, but they mean the same. It's an identical situation, we have with 'ship' and 'boat' (holds up signs saying 'ship' and 'boat') but not the same as we have with 'bow' and 'bough' (holds up signs), they're spelt differently, mean different things but sound the same. (he holds up signs saying 'so there') But the real question remains. What is the solution, if any, to this problem? What can we do? What am I saying? Why am I sitting in this chair? Why am I on this programme? And what am I going to say next? Here to answer this is a professional cricketer.


Cut to cricketer.


Cricketer: (E.I.) I can say nothing at this point.


Cut back to presenter.


Presenter: Well, you were wrong... Professor?


Pull out to reveal professor still next to him.


Professor: Hello.


Cut to close-up of presenter.


Presenter: Hello. So... where do we stand? Where do we stand? Where do we sit? Where do we come? Where do we go? What do we do? What do we say? What do we eat? What do we drink? What do we think? What do we do?


Mix to stock film of London-Brighton train journey in two minutes. After a few seconds the train goes into a tunnel. Blackness. Loud crash. Cut to signal box as before.


Signalman: (T.J.) (calling out of window) Sorry!


He goes back to wrestling with bear.






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