LETTERS (LAVATORIAL HUMOUR)/ INTERRUPTIONS
Film: The Amazing World of The 'It's' Man
It's Man: (M.P.) It's...
Voice Over and Caption: 'MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS'
Caption: 'EPISODE TWO'S'
Caption: 'THE ROYAL PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA GOES TO THE BATHROOM'
Cut to bathroom door, outside. Man knocks on door.
Man: (M.P) Have you finished in there yet?
From inside comes a burst of the Tchaikovsky piano concerto. He tuts. Cut to letter and voice over.
First Voice Over: (J.C.) Dear Sir, I object strongly to the obvious lavatorial turn this show has already taken. Why do we never hear about the good things in Britain, like Mary Bignall's wonderful jump in 1964? Yours etc., Ken Voyeur.
Stock film of Mary Bignall's winning jump at the Rome Olympics. Letter and voice over.
Second Voice Over: (E.I.) Dear Sir, I object strongly to the obvious athletic turn this show has now taken. Why can't we hear more about the human body? There is nothing embarrassing or nasty about the human body except for the intestines and bits of the bottom.
We see another letter and another voice over.
Third Voice Over: (M.P.) Dear Sir, I object strongly to the letters on your programme. They are clearly not written by the general public and are merely included for a cheap laugh. Yours sincerely etc., William Knickers.
Stock film of the whole of an orchestra finishing an orchestral item. When they finish playing we hear the sound of flushing.
ANIMATION: a beautiful and not zany introduction, perhaps with photos of famous historical characters, finishing with the words: "The World of History". Cut to man at desk.
Caption: 'PROFESSOR R. J. CANNING'
Canning: (G.C.) 1348. The Black Death, typhus, cholera, consumption, bubonic plague.
Cut to five undertakers sitting on a coffin in a country road.
First Undertaker: (E.I.) Ah, those were the days...
Back to Canning at his desk.
Canning: Now I'm... I'm... Now I'm not prepared to go on with this, unless these interruptions cease. All right? Right. The devastating effect of these, em...
Cut to film of hearses racing. Crashing out of shot. Sign: 'Accident Black Spot', and the undertakers picnicking.
Canning: (he is packing up his papers and putting on his mac as he walks away from desk, camera pans with him) No, don't follow me and ... (camera zooms in) And don't zoom in on me, no I'm off, I'm off. That's it. That's all. I'm off.
He walks out of shot. Empty frame. A short pause. An undertaker comes into frame.
Second Undertaker: (T.J.) (to camera) Are you nervy, irritable, depressed, tired of life. (winks) Keep it up.