Cut to the Queen on horseback; first few bars of National Anthem. 

 Cut to Person sitting in cinema seat clutching albatross. 


Person: (T.J.) Well that's quite enough of that. And now a policeman near Rottingdean ... Albatross! 


Cut to a policeman standing in a street. A man comes up to him. 


Man: (M.P.) Inspector, inspector. 


Inspector: (J.C.) Uh huh. 


Man: I'm terribly sorry but I was sitting on a park bench over there, took my coat off for a minute and then I found my wallet had been stolen and 15 taken from it. 


Inspector: Well did you er, did you see anyone take it, anyone hanging around or... 


Man: No no, there was no one there at all. That's the trouble. 


Inspector: Well there's not very much we can do about that, sir. 


There is a pause. The man looks a little uncomfortable. 


Man: Do you want to come back to my place? 


Inspector: (tiny pause) ... Yeah all right. 


Film of Women's Institute applauding. 

Cut to a man on a bench in casualty ward set. 


Burtenshaw: (T.J.) Albatross 


Doctor and sister enter. 


Doctor: (E.I.) Mr. Burtenshaw? 


Burtenshaw: Me, Doctor? 


Doctor: No, me doctor, you Mr. Burtenshaw. 


Burtenshaw: My wife, doctor? 


Doctor: No, your wife patient, me Doctor. 


Sister: (C.C.) Come this way please. 


Burtenshaw: Me, Sister? 


Doctor: No. She Sister. Me Doctor. You Mr. Burtenshaw. 


Nurse enters. 


Nurse: (J.C.) Doctor Walters? 


Doctor: Me, Nurse. (to sister) You Mr. Burtenshaw. (to man) She Sister. You Doctor. (to nurse


Nurse: No, doctor. 


Doctor: No Doctor? Call ambulance. Keep warm. 


Sister: Drink, doctor? 


Doctor: Drink doctor. Eat Sister. Cook Mr. Burtenshaw. Nurse me. 


Nurse: You, doctor? 


Doctor: Me Doctor. You Mr. Burtenshaw. She Nurse. 


Burtenshaw: But my wife, Nurse. 


Doctor: Your wife not nurse. She Nurse. Your wife patient. Be patient. She Nurse. Your wife. Me doctor. Yew Tree. U-trecht. U-trillo, U Thant, Euphemism. Me Doctor. (knight walks in quickly and hits him over the head with a chicken) Albatross! 


Film of Women's Institute applauding. 



Back to Season 1 index