COME BACK TO MY PLACE/ ME DOCTOR 

  

Cut to the Queen on horseback; first few bars of National Anthem. 

 Cut to Person sitting in cinema seat clutching albatross. 

  

Person: (T.J.) Well that's quite enough of that. And now a policeman near Rottingdean ... Albatross! 

   

Cut to a policeman standing in a street. A man comes up to him. 

   

Man: (M.P.) Inspector, inspector. 

   

Inspector: (J.C.) Uh huh. 

   

Man: I'm terribly sorry but I was sitting on a park bench over there, took my coat off for a minute and then I found my wallet had been stolen and 15 taken from it. 

   

Inspector: Well did you er, did you see anyone take it, anyone hanging around or... 

   

Man: No no, there was no one there at all. That's the trouble. 

   

Inspector: Well there's not very much we can do about that, sir. 

   

There is a pause. The man looks a little uncomfortable. 

  

Man: Do you want to come back to my place? 

   

Inspector: (tiny pause) ... Yeah all right. 

  

Film of Women's Institute applauding. 

Cut to a man on a bench in casualty ward set. 

   

Burtenshaw: (T.J.) Albatross 

  

Doctor and sister enter. 

   

Doctor: (E.I.) Mr. Burtenshaw? 

   

Burtenshaw: Me, Doctor? 

   

Doctor: No, me doctor, you Mr. Burtenshaw. 

   

Burtenshaw: My wife, doctor? 

   

Doctor: No, your wife patient, me Doctor. 

   

Sister: (C.C.) Come this way please. 

   

Burtenshaw: Me, Sister? 

   

Doctor: No. She Sister. Me Doctor. You Mr. Burtenshaw. 

  

Nurse enters. 

   

Nurse: (J.C.) Doctor Walters? 

   

Doctor: Me, Nurse. (to sister) You Mr. Burtenshaw. (to man) She Sister. You Doctor. (to nurse

   

Nurse: No, doctor. 

   

Doctor: No Doctor? Call ambulance. Keep warm. 

   

Sister: Drink, doctor? 

   

Doctor: Drink doctor. Eat Sister. Cook Mr. Burtenshaw. Nurse me. 

   

Nurse: You, doctor? 

   

Doctor: Me Doctor. You Mr. Burtenshaw. She Nurse. 

   

Burtenshaw: But my wife, Nurse. 

   

Doctor: Your wife not nurse. She Nurse. Your wife patient. Be patient. She Nurse. Your wife. Me doctor. Yew Tree. U-trecht. U-trillo, U Thant, Euphemism. Me Doctor. (knight walks in quickly and hits him over the head with a chicken) Albatross! 

  

Film of Women's Institute applauding. 

    

  
  

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