| A MAN WITH THREE BUTTOCKS |
| Studio: Smart looking and confident announcer sitting at desk. Announcer (E.I.): And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks! Host and Arthur Frampton, in interview studio. Host (J.C.): Good evening, I have with me, Mr. Arthur Frampton, who has...Mr. Frampton, I understand that you...er...as it were...have er...well, let me put it another way...I believe Mr. Frampton that whereas most people have - er - two...two...you...you Frampton (T.J.): I'm sorry. Host: Ah yes, yes I see...Um, Are you quite comfortable? Frampton: Yes fine, thank you. Host: (takes a quick glance at Frampton's bottom) Er, Mr. Frampton... vis-à-vis...your...rump. Frampton: I beg your pardon? Host: Er, your rump. Frampton: What? Host: Your posterior....derriere...sit upon. Frampton: What's that? Host: (whispers) ...Buttocks. Frampton: Oh, me bum! Host: Sshhh! Well Mr. Frampton I understand Mr. Frampton, you have a... 50% bonus in the...in the region of what you said. Frampton: I got three cheeks. Host: Yes, yes, Splendid, splendid. Well...we were wondering, Mr. Frampton, if you...could...see your way clear... Frampton: (seeing a camera moving round behind him) Here? What's that camera doing? Host: Er, nothing, nothing at all, sir. We were wondering if you could see your way clear...to giving us...a quick... a quick... visual... Mr. Frampton, will you take your trousers down? Frampton: What? (slapping away a hand from off-screen) 'Ere, get off! I'm not taking me trousers down on television. Who do you think I am? Host: Please take them down. Frampton: No. Host: Just a little bit. Frampton: No. Host: No, er ahem...(firmly) Now look here Mr. Frampton... It's perfectly easy for somebody just to come along here to the BBC simply claiming... that they have a bit to spare in the botty department...but the point is Mr. Frampton... our viewers need proof. Frampton: I've been on Persian Radio...Get off! Arthur Figgis knows I've got three buttocks. Host: How? Frampton: We go cycling together. Cut to shot of two men riding tandem. The one behind (G.C.) looks down, looks up and exclaims 'strewth'. Announcer's desk- confident announcer again. Announcer: And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks. Interview studio again. Host: Good evening, I have with me, Mr. Arthur Frampton, who... Mr. Frampton - I understand that you, as it were...well, let me put it another way...I believe Mr. Frampton that whereas most people...didn't we do this just now? Frampton: Er...yes. Host: Well why didn't you say so? Frampton: I thought it was the continental version. Announcer's desk: confident announcer. Announcer: And now for something completely the same - a man with three buttocks. (phone on desk rings - he answers it) Hullo? ...Oh, did we. (puts phone down; to camera) And now for something completely different. A man with three noses. Off-screen Voice: He's not here yet! Announcer: Two noses? Stock shot of audience of Woman's Institute type, applauding. A man (G.C.) flourishing a handkerchief blows his nose. Then he puts his handkerchief inside his shirt and blows again. Stock shot of women applauding again. |
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