THE LOST WORLD OF ROIURAMA

 

This sketch continues on from the Jungle Restaurant sketch

   

   

Voice Over: And now back to the story.

 

Cut to the edge of the jungle. Emerging from the dense undergrowth are two pygmy warriors pulling the four explorers who are roped together. The pygmies carry spears. We lose the pygmies and hold just the explorers in frame, and track with them.

 

Third Explorer: (G.C.) That was a nasty business back at the restaurant.

 

First Explorer: (J.C.) Yes, I thought most places took Barclaycard nowadays.

 

Second Explorer: (E.I.) Where do you think they're taking us, Brian?

 

Fourth Explorer: (C.C.) God knows!

 

Third Explorer: (pointing, eyes wide with amazement) Look!

 

Cut to a stock shot of a volcano. Thrilling chord. Cut back to explorers.

 

Second Explorer: (filled with awe) The sacred volcano Andu! Which no man has seen before.

 

Third Explorer: No, no, no, next to that.

 

Cut to stock shot of collection of big chimneys in a brickworks. Another thrilling chord. Cut back to explorers.

 

First Explorer: The London Brick Company?

 

Third Explorer: No, no, no, no - next to that.

 

Cut to stock shot of plateau of Roiurama. Yet another thrilling chord. Cut back to explorers.

 

First Explorer: The forbidden plateau of Roiurama, the Lost World, thrown up by mighty earth movements thousands of millions of years ago, where strange primeval creatures defying evolution, lurk in the dark, impenetrable forests, cut off forever from the outside world.

 

Second Explorer: I still can't see it.

 

Fourth Explorer: You don't think that's where they're taking us?

 

Third Explorer: Yes, and God knows what we'll find there.

 

A pigmy native rushes up from behind them, holding a script.

 

Native: (T.J.) What page please?

 

Second Explorer: What?

 

Native: (with a trace of irritation) What page in the script?

 

Second Explorer: (whispered) Page 7.

 

Native: (he speaks the lines over to himself) 'Come on, you dogs, we have far to go. We must lose no time'. (tries with eyes shut) 'Come on, you dogs, we have far to go. We must lose no time'. 'Come on you dogs'. (throws away the script, starts to push them roughly) Come on you dogs, we have time to lose, this has gone too far.

 

Stock film of Houses of Parliament from across the Thames.

 

Voice Over: (G.C.) Meanwhile back in London ... at the British Explorers' Club in the Mall...

 

Cut to the leather-armchaired hallway of a London club. In four of the chairs sit men in polar explorers' kit - furs, iced-over goggles, etc. - reading newspapers. At one chair sits a man in Norfolk jacket and plus fours. Around his neck he wears a sign saying 'Our Hero'. He is reading a newspaper but obviously has something else on his mind. Suddenly he throws the paper down and gets up. He walks over to the porter's desk. As he does this a polar expedition with four huskies, a sled, and two explorers pass him. Our Hero goes up to the desk. A whiskery old porter stands behind it.

 

Our Hero: (T.J.) Any news of Betty Bailey's expedition, Hargreaves?

 

Hargreaves: (M.P.) Er ... um ... er...

 

Our Hero: (through clenched teeth) Page 9...

 

Hargreaves: (thumbing over page of script beneath counter) 'The Lost World of Roiurama'.

 

Our Hero: That's my line.

 

Hargreaves: Oh, sorry. 'Where were they going, sir'?

 

Our Hero: The Lost World of Roiurama.

 

Hargreaves: Yes sir, we've got a telegram.

   

Our Hero: Oh

 

Hargreaves: (reads it) Reads it.'Expedition superb. Weather excellent. Everything wonderful'.

 

Our Hero: I wonder what's gone wrong.

 

Hargreaves: For God's sake be careful...

 

Our Hero: (irritably) Wait a minute... I'm going to go... after them.

 

Hargreaves: For God's sake be careful, sir.

 

Cut to film of the lost world. Tropical South American vegetation. Our four explorers limp along exhaustedly.

 

Second Explorer: My God, Betty, we're done for...

 

Third Explorer: We'll never get out of here... we're completely lost, lost. Even the natives have gone.

 

First Explorer: Goodbye Betty, Goodbye Farquarson. Goodbye Brian. It's been a great expedition...

 

Music. Cut to engraving of Crystal Palace.

 

Superimposed caption: 'CRYSTAL PALACE 1851'

 

Cut immediately back to jungle.

 

First Explorer: Great expedition ...

 

Third Explorer: All that'll be left of us will be a map, a compass and a few feet of film, recording our last moments...

 

First Explorer: Wait a moment!

 

Fourth Explorer: What is it?

 

First Explorer: If we're on film, there must be someone filming us.

 

Second Explorer: My God, Betty, you're right!

 

They all look around, then gradually all notice the camera. They break out in smiles of relief, come towards the camera and greet the camera crew.

 

Third Explorer: Look! Great to see you!

 

First Explorer: What a stroke of luck!

 

Camera Crew: Hello! ...

 

First Explorer: Wait a minute!

 

Fourth Explorer: What is it again?

 

First Explorer: If this is the crew who were filming us . .. who's filming us now? Look!

 

Cut to another shot which includes the first camera crew and yet another camera crew with all their equipment. The director is dressed the same as Yakomoto, the director in 'Erizabeth L', only he is blacked up.

 

Director: (T.J.) (African accent) Cut there man! No! No good! How we going to get feeling of personal alienation of self from society with this load of Bulldog Drummond crap? When I was doing 'La Notte' wi' dat Monica Vitti gal she don't gimme none of this empire building shit, man ...

 

Camera pans slightly to reveal a door in jungle. It opens and an inspector enters.

 

Inspector: (E.I.) Not so fast, Akarumba! Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Baboon of Scotland Yard's Special Fraud Film Director Squad, Jungle Division.

 

Fourth Explorer: Baboon of the Yard!

 

Inspector: Shut up! (shoots her) Right, Akarumba! I'm arresting you for impersonating Signor Michelangelo Antonioni, an Italian film director who co-scripts all his own films, largely jettisoning narrative in favour of vague incident and relentless character study . . . (during this harangue the credits start to roll, music very faint beneath his words) ... In his first film: 'Cronaca Di Un Areore' (1950), the couple are brought together by a shared irrational guilt. 'L'Amico' followed in 1955, and 1959 saw the first of Antonioni's world-famous trilogy, 'L'Avventura' - an acute study of boredom, restlessness and the futilities and agonies of purposeless living. In 'L'Eclisse', three years later, this analysis of sentiments is taken up once again. 'We do not have to know each other to love', says the heroine, 'and perhaps we do not have to love...' The 'Eclipse' of the emotions finally casts its shadow when darkness descends on a street corner. (the credits end; voice and picture start to fade)... Signor Antonioni first makes use of colour to underline...

 

Fade to black and then to BBC world symbol

 

Continuity Voice: (E.I.) And now on BBC another six minutes of Monty Python's Flying Circus.  

          

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