THE MINISTER FOR NOT LISTENING TO PEOPLE/ TUESDAY DOCUMENTARY/CHILDREN'S STORY/PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST
Cut to a 'Nine O'clock News' set. A newsreader is at a desk. Photos come up on inlay screen behind him. An anonymous minister's photo is on screen.
Newsreader: (M.P.) The Minister for not listening to people toured Batley today to investigate allegations of victimization in home-loan improvement grants, made last week (photo behind changes to close up of another faceless minister) by the Shadow Minister for judging people at first sight to be marginally worse than they actually are.
Picture changes to the exterior of the Home Office
At the Home Office, the Minister for inserting himself in between chairs and walls in men's clubs, was at his desk after a short illness. He spent the morning dealing with the Irish situation and later in the day had long discussions with the Minister for running upstairs two at a time, flinging the door open and saying 'Ha, ha! Caught you, Mildred'.
Picture of the Houses of Parliament
In the Commons there was another day of heated debate on the third reading of the Trade Practices Bill. Mr. Roland Penrose, the Under-Secretary for making deep growling noises grrr, launched a bitter personal attack on the ex-Minister for delving deep into a black satin bag and producing a tube of Euthymol toothpaste. Later in the debate the Junior Minister for being frightened by any kind of farm machinery, challenged the Under-Secretary of State for hiding from Terence Rattigan to produce the current year's trading figures, as supplied by the Department of stealing packets of bandages from the self-service counter at Timothy Whites and selling them again at a considerable profit. Parliament rose at 11:30, and, crawling along a dark passageway into the old rectory (The camera starts to track slowly into the newsreader's face so that it is eventually filling the screen) broke down the door to the serving hatch, painted the spare room and next weekend I think they'll be able to make a start on the boy's bedroom, while Amy and Roger, up in London for a few days, go to see the mysterious Mr. Grenville.
Superimposed caption: 'TODAY IN PARLIAMENT HAS NOW BECOME THE CLASSIC SERIAL'
Newsreader: He in turn has been revealed by D'Arcy as something less than an honest man. Sybil feels once again a resurgence of her old affection and she and Balreau return to her little house in Clermont-Ferrand, the kind of two-up, two-down house that most French workers throughout the European Community are living in today.
Superimposed caption: 'THE CLASSIC SERIAL HAS NOW BECOME THE TUESDAY DOCUMENTARY'
Cut to a photo of a building site. The camera tracks over the photo.
Presenter: (E.I.) The ease of construction, using on-site prefabrication facilities (the camera starts to pull out slowly from the photo to reveal the photo is part of the backdrop of a documentary set about the building trade; the documentary presenter is sitting in a chair) makes cheap housing a reality. The walls of these houses are lined with pre-stressed asbestos which keeps the house warm and snuggly and ever so safe from the big bad rabbit, who can scratch and scratch for all he's worth, but he just can't get into Porky's house.
Superimposed caption: 'THE TUESDAY DOCUMENTARY HAS BECOME "CHILDREN'S STORY" '
Presenter: Where is Porky? Here he is. What a funny little chap. (cut to an animated pig doing little dance) But Porky's one of the lucky ones - he survived the urban upheaval of the thirties and forties. For him, Jarrow is still just a memory. (zoom out to see the pig as part of documentary-type graph) The hunger marches, the East End riots, the collapse of the Labour Government in 1931... (stock film of Ramsay MacDonald)
Superimposed caption: 'THE CHILDREN'S STORY HAS GONE BACK INTO THE TUESDAY DOCUMENTARY'
Presenter: ... are dim reminders of the days before a new-found affluence swept the land, (stock shots of Christmas lights in Regent Street, shopping crowds, tills and consumer goods ending up with toys) making it clean and tidy and making all the shops full of nice things, lovely choo-choo trains...
Superimposed caption: 'NO IT HASN'T'
Presenter: . .. and toys and shiny cars that go brrm, brrm, brrm, (shots of toys) and everybody was happy and singing all the day long (cut to the Presenter; by now he has a large childrens' book which he shuts) and nobody saw the big bad rabbit ever again.
Cut to a politician giving a party political broadcast in one of those badly lit sets that they use for broadcasts of that nature.
Politician: (T.J.) But you know it's always very easy to blame the big bad rabbit...
Superimposed caption: 'NOW IT'S BECOME A PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST!'
Politician: ...when by-elections are going against the Government, (he turns and we cut to side camera which reveals a cross behind him as for religious broadcast) Do you think we should really be blaming ourselves?
Superimposed caption: 'NO, SORRY, "RELIGION TODAY"
Politician: Because you know, that's where we really ought to start looking.
A football comes in, he heads it neatly out of shot.
Superimposed caption: 'MATCH OF THE DAY'
Cut to stock film of ball flying into net and shot of Wembley crowd roaring. Then cut into short sequence of footballers in slow-motion kissing each other.