Animation: sketch about violence.   


Cut to a kitchen. A man and woman listening to a radio.   


Radio Voice: I would like to ask the team what they would do if they were Hitler.   


Man's Voice: Gerald?   


Another Voice: Well I'd annex the Sudetenland and sign a non-aggression pact with Russia.   


First Man's Voice: Norman?   


Norman's Voice: Well I'd do the Reichstag bathroom in purples and golds and ban abortion on demand.   


Woman: (T.J.) (Switching the radio off) Liberal rubbish. Klaus ...What do you want with your jugged fish?   


Man: (E.I.) Halibut.   


Woman: The jugged fish is halibut.   


Man: Well, what fish have you got that isn't jugged then?   


Woman: Rabbit.   


Man: Rabbit fish?   


Woman: Yes. It's got fins.   


Man: Is it dead?   


Woman: Well, it was coughing up blood last night.   


Man: All right. I'll have the dead unjugged rabbit fish.   


Caption: 'ONE DEAD UNJUGGED RABBIT FISH LATER'   One Dead Unjugged rabbit fish later


Man: Well that was really horrible.   


Woman: You're always complaining.   


Man: What's for afters?   


Woman: Well there's rat cake... rat sorbet... rat pudding... or strawberry tart.   


Man: Strawberry tart?!   


Woman: Well, it's got some rat in it.   


Man: How much?   


Woman: Three (rather a lot really).   


Man: ...well, I'll have a slice without so much rat in it.   


Caption: 'ONE SLICE OF STRAWBERRY TART WITHOUT SO MUCH RAT IN IT LATER'   One slice of strawberry tart without so much rat in it later...


Man: Appalling.   


Woman: Moan, moan, moan.   


Enter their son   


Son: (G.C.) Hello, mum, hello, dad.   


Man: Hello, son.   


Son: There's a dead bishop on the landing.   


Woman: Where did that come from?   


Son: What do you mean?   


Woman: What's its diocese?   


Son: Well it looked a bit Bath and Wellsish to me.   


Man: I'll go and have a look. (goes out)   


Woman: I don't know who keeps bringing them in here.   


Son: Well it's not me.   


Woman: I've put three out by the bin and the dustmen won't touch 'em.   


Man: (coming back) Leicester.   


Woman: How do you know?   


Man: Tattooed on the back of his neck. I'm going to call the police.   


Woman: Shouldn't you call the Church?   


Son: Call the Church police.   


Man: ...all right. (shouts) The Church police!   


Enter two policemen with ecclesiastical accoutrements.   The Church Police


Church Policeman: (M.P.) Yus?   


Woman: There's another dead bishop on the landing.   


Church Policeman: Suffragan or diocesan?   


Woman: How should I know?   


Church Policeman: It's tattooed on the back of their neck. Ere! Is that rat tart?   


Woman: Yes.   


Church Policeman: Disgusting! Right! The hunt is on. (kneels) Oh Lord we beseech thee tell us who croaked Leicester.   Who croaked Leicester?


Organ music. A huge hand descends and points at the man.   


Man: All right, it's a fair cop, but society is to blame.   


Church Policeman: Agreed.   


Man: I would like the three by the bin to be taken into consideration.   


Church Policeman: Right. And now, I'd like to conclude this arrest with a hymn.   


All: (singing) And did those feet in ancient times walk upon England's mountains green. (policemen escort the man out) And was the holy lamb of God on England's pleasant pastures seen.  


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