LIVE FROM THE GRILL-O-MAT SNACK BAR, PAIGNTON/ 'BLACKMAIL'
BBC world symbol
Voice Over: (M.P.) Monty Python's
Flying Circus tonight comes to you live from the Grillomat Snack Bar, Paignton.
Interior of a nasty snack bar.
Customers around, preferably real people. Linkman sitting at one of the plastic
tables.
Announcer: (J.C.) Hello to you, live
from the Grillomat Snack Bar, Paignton. And so, without any more ado, let's have
the titles.
It's Man Voice: It's...
Animated titles.
Back to the snack bar.
Announcer: (with rather forced
bonhomie) Well, those were the titles. And now for the first item this evening
on the Menu - ha ha - the team have chosen as a little hors d'oeuvres an item -
and I think we can be sure it won't be an ordinary item - in fact the team told
me just before the show that anything could happen, and probably would - so
let's have... the item.
Cut to the word 'Blackmail' in
letters four feet high, picked out in light bulbs which flash on and off. Big
showbiz music crashes in. Camera pulls back to reveal glittery showbiz set. A
presenter in glittery showbiz jacket sits behind a glittery desk, with a
telephone on it.
Presenter: (M.P.) Hello, good
evening, and welcome to 'Blackmail'! And to start tonight's programme, we go to
Preston in Lancashire, and Mrs Betty Teal!
Cut to a slightly blurred black and
white photo of a housewife with her face blotted out by a black oblong.
Presenter: Hello, Mrs Teal!
Cut back to presenter. He picks up a
letter and reads it.
Presenter: Now this is for £15 and
it's to stop us revealing the name of your lover in Bolton.
Superimposed caption: '£15' (which
flashes on and off quickly)
Presenter: So Mrs Teal...if you send
us £15 by return of post, please, and your husband Trevor, and your lovely
children, Diane, Janice and Juliet need never know the name of your lover in
Bolton.
Cut to a nude man (T.G.)
(except for
a collar and a tie) at organ. He plays a few stirring chords. Cut back to
presenter.
Presenter: (as he speaks he holds up
the various items) And now...a letter...a hotel registration book...and a series
of photographs...which could add up to divorce, premature retirement, and
possible criminal proceedings for a company director in Bromsgrove. He's a
freemason, and prospective Tory MP... that's Mr S. of Bromsgrove... £3,000...
Superimposed caption: '£3000'
(which
flashes on and off)
Presenter: ...to stop us from
revealing your name, the name of the three other people involved, the youth
organization to which they belong, and the shop where you bought the equipment.
Cut back to nude man at organ with
chords again. Cut to still of two pairs of naked feet and lower legs. Organ
music over this. Cut back to presenter.
Presenter: We'll be showing you more
of that photograph later in the programme... unless we hear from Charles or
Michael. And now it's time for our 'Stop the Film' spot!
Superimposed flashing caption: 'STOP
THE FILM'
Presenter: The rules are very simple. We have taken a film which contains compromising scenes and unpleasant details, which could wreck a man's career. But, the victim may phone me at any point and stop the film. But remember the money increases as the film goes on. So the longer you leave it... the more you have to pay! So now, with the clock at £300, this week 'Stop the Film' visited Thames Ditton...
Incidental music plays over a film
shot in murky 8mm. As the film progresses we have a £ sign with numerals in one
corner which increase. Shot of a residential street. Another section of a street
with a figure in a Robin Hood hat and raincoat - in the distance on the far side
of the road, so we can't really make him out. Cut to slightly closer shot of him
about to cross the road. Cut to suburban house. The man is standing at the door
pressing the bell and looking round rather furtively. Again shot from some
distance and over a hedge. Cut back to studio. The presenter looking at a
monitor and then at a phone. Back to the film: a woman opens the door. She wears
a dressing gown over lingerie. A shaky zoom in to reveal her clothing. Wide shot
of the house with door shut. Jump cut to shot obviously taken from a window in
the house. Shaky zoom in on window. We can see in the window...both the man and
woman enter the bedroom. He goes out of shot, taking his coat off. Cut back to
studio.
Presenter: He's being very brave
here...
Cut back to the film: even closer
perhaps of window. A series of short jump cuts. She is undressing. She throws
off her dressing gown. A jump and she's taking off her negligee. Underneath she
wears black corsets. She produces a whip and seems to be beckoning to the man.
Phone rings. Cut back to the studio. The presenter picks up the phone.
Presenter: Hello, sir, hello, yes. No
sir, no, I'm sure you didn't. No, it's all right, sir, we don't morally censure,
we just want the money....Yes, and here's the address to send it to:
Voice Over (and caption):
'BLACKMAIL
BEHIND THE HOT WATER PIPES
THIRD WASHROOM ALONG
VICTORIA STATION'
Presenter: Not at all, sir... thank you. (He puts the phone down)
