NAUGHTY BITS/ THE MAN WHO CONTRADICTS PEOPLE

 

Cut to picture of big toe. Superimposed arrow. 

 

Voice Over: (J.C.) Number ten. The big toe.

 

Cut to picture of another man in Bermuda shorts. Superimposed arrow pointing at shorts.

 

Voice Over: Number eleven. More naughty bits.

 

Cut to full length shot of lady in Bermuda shorts and Bermuda bra. Superimposed arrow on each side of her body. One points to the bra, one to the Bermuda shorts.

 

Voice Over: Number twelve. The naughty bits of a lady,

 

Cut to picture of a horse wearing Bermuda shorts. Superimposed arrow.

 

Voice Over: Number thirteen. The naughty bits of a horse,

 

Cut to picture of an ant. In the very corner of a blank area. It is very tiny. Superimposed enormous arrow.

 

Voice Over: Number fourteen. The naughty bits of an ant.

 

Cut to picture of Reginald Maudling with Bermuda shorts, put on by Terry Gilliam, over his dark suit. Superimposed arrow pointing to shorts.

 

Voice Over: Number fifteen. The naughty bits of Reginald Maudling.

 

Cut to close-up of false hand sticking out of a sleeve. Superimposed arrow.

 

Voice Over: Number sixteen. The hand.

 

Pull back to reveal that the hand appears to belong to a standard interviewer in two shot. Chair set up with standard interviewee. The interviewer suddenly pulls the hand off, revealing that he has a hook. He throws the hand away and starts the interview.

 

Interviewer: (M.P.) Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight Mr. Norman St. John Polevaulter, who for the last few years has been contradicting people...Mr. Polevaulter, why do you contradict people?

 

Polevaulter: (T.J.) I don't!

 

Interviewer: You told me that you did.

 

Polevaulter: I most certainly did not!

 

Interviewer: Oh. I see. I'll start again.

 

Polevaulter: No you won't!

 

Interviewer: Ssh! Mr. Polevaulter I understand you don't contradict people.

 

Polevaulter: Yes I do!

 

Interviewer: And when didn't you start contradicting people?

 

Polevaulter: Well I did, in 1952.

 

Interviewer: 1952?

 

Polevaulter: 1947.

 

Interviewer: Twenty-three years ago.

 

Polevaulter: No!

 

Cut to announcer at desk in farmyard. He is fondly holding a small pig.

 

Announcer: (J.C.) And so on and so on and so on. And now...

 

Cut to picture of the Pope. Slight pause, so we think it might be something to do with the Pope. An arrow suddenly comes in above him pointing down at his head. 

 

Voice Over: Number seventeen. The top of the head. 

  

Cut to picture of an indeterminate bit of flesh with a feather sticking out. Superimposed arrow pointing to feather. 

 

Voice Over: Number eighteen...the feather, rare. 

  

 

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