BATLEY TOWNSWOMEN'S GUILD PRESENTS THE FIRST HEART TRANSPLANT/ THE FIRST UNDERWATER PRODUCTION OF 'MEASURE FOR MEASURE'

Cut to quick clip of the Battle of Pearl Harbour from season 1, episode 11, starting with E.I. blowing his whistle and the two sides rushing at each other. Cut back to announcer. 

Announcer: (J.C.) That was last year's re-enactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbour performed by the Batley Townswomen's Guild. It was written, directed and produced by Mrs Rita Fairbanks. 

Cut to Rita Fairbanks on the beach. 

Rita: (E.I.) Hello again. 

Interviewer: And what are your ladies going to do for us this year? 

Rita: Well, this year we decided to re-enact something with a more modern flavour. We had considered a version of Michael Stewart's speech on Nigeria and there were several votes on the Committee for a staging of Herr Willi Brandt's visit to East Germany, but we've settled instead for a dramatization of the first heart transplant. Incidentally my sister Madge will be playing the plucky little springbok pioneer Christian Barnard. 

Interviewer: Well off we go, then with the Barley Townswomen's Guild re-enactment of the first heart transplant. 

Rita Fairbanks blows her whistle. The two groups of ladies rush at each other. They end up in the sea, rolling about splashing, and thumping each other with handbags. 

Announcer: (his desk now surrounded by sea) The first heart transplant. But this is not the only open-air production here that has used the sea. Theatrical managers in this area have not been slow to appreciate the sea's tremendous dramatic value. And somewhere, out in this bay, is the first underwater production of 'Measure for Measure'. 

Expanse of sea water. Dubbed over this is muffled, watery Shakespearian blank verse. We zoom in. Two Shakespearian actors (T.J. and MP.) leap up. They take a deep breath and go under again. The dialogue carries on muted. Pull out to see a rowboat. Shakespearian characters are sitting there waiting for their cue. One of the two characters leaps up and shouts: 

Character:  Servant ho! 

He then goes underwater again. The servant in the boat steps into the water and goes under. Cut to announcer, now up to his waist in sea. 

Announcer: The underwater version of 'Measure for Measure', and further out to sea 'Hello Dolly' is also doing good business. 

We see a buoy, on the top of which is a stiff piece of card which reads 'Hello Dolly, Tonight 7.30'. There is a muffled watery snatch of Hello Dolly. Swing round to a patch of open sea. 

Announcer: ... and over there on the oyster beds Formula 2 car racing. (underwater noises of Formula 2 cars) 

ANIMATION: a racing car moves over a naked lady, going past a sign saying 'Pit Stop'. Close up of armpits. Superimposed little white arrow. 

Voice Over: Number twenty. The armpits. 

Cut to picture of a person. Superimposed white arrow on the neck. 

Voice Over: Number twenty-one. The bottom two-thirds of the nape of the neck.