MR. AND MRS. GIT
Animation sketch leads us into a
cocktail party in Dulwich. Quiet party-type music. Constant chatter.
Ah, John. Allow me to introduce
my next-door neighbour. John Stokes, this is A Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Git.
Mr. Git: (T.J.)
Hello, I noticed a slight
look of anxiety cross your face for a moment just then, but you needn't worry -
I'm used to it. That's the trouble of having a surname like Git.
Oh ... yes, yes.
Mr. Git: We did think once of having
it changed by deed-poll, you know - to Watson or something like that. But A
Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Watson's just as bad eh?
John: Yes, yes, I suppose so.
Mrs. Git approaches.
Mr. Git: Oh, that's my wife. Darling!
Come and meet Mr... what was it?
John: Stokes - John Stokes.
Mr. Git: Oh yes. John Stokes, this is
my wife, Dreary Fat Boring Old.
John: Oh, er, how do you do.
Mrs. Git: (J.C.)
How do you do.
Mrs. Stokes appears.
Mrs. Stokes: (C.C.)
Darling, there you are!
John: Yes, yes, here I am, yes.
Mr. Git: Oh, is this your wife?
John: Yes, yes, yes, this is the
wife. Yes. Um darling, these, these are the Gits.
Mrs. Stokes: (slightly
John: The Gits.
Mr. Git: Oh, heaven's sakes we are
being formal. Does it have to be surnames?
John: Oh, no, no. Not at all. No. Um,
no, this... this... this is my wife Norah, er, Norah Jane, Norah Jane Stokes.
This is Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Git. And this is his wife Dreary Fat Boring
Mr. Git: I was just telling your
husband what an awful bore it is having a surname like Git.
Mrs. Stokes: (understanding at
Oh! Oh well, it's not that bad.
Mr. Git: Oh, you've no idea how the
kids get taunted. Why, only last week Dirty Lying Little Two-Faced came running
home from school, sobbing his eyes out, and our youngest, Ghastly Spotty
Horrible Vicious Little is just at the age when taunts like 'she's a git' really
Mrs. Git gobs colourfully into her
John: Do ... do you live round here?
Mr. Git: Yes, we live up the road,
number 49 - you can't miss it. We've just had the outside painted with warm pus.
John: (with increasing
Mr. Git: Yes. It's very nice
actually. It goes nicely with the vomit and catarrh we've got smeared all over
the front door.
Mrs. Stokes: I think we ought to be
going. We have two children to collect.
Mr. Git: Oh, well, bring them round
for tea tomorrow.
Mrs. Stokes: Well...
Mr. Git: It's Ghastly Spotty Cross-Eyed's
birthday and she's having a disembowelling party for a few friends. The Nauseas
will be there, and Doug and Janice Mucus, and the Rectums from Swanage.
Voice Over: (and caption:)
'AND NOW A NICE VERSION OF THAT SAME
Cut to exactly the same set-up as
Host: John! Allow me to introduce our
next-door neighbour. John, this is Mr Watson.
T.J.) Hello. I noticed a slight
look of anxiety cross your face just then but you needn't worry.
Cut to nun.
I preferred the dirty version.
She is knocked out by the boxer
Cut to Women's Institute applause