MR. AND MRS. GIT

Animation sketch leads us into a cocktail party in Dulwich. Quiet party-type music. Constant chatter.

Host: (G.C.) Ah, John. Allow me to introduce my next-door neighbour. John Stokes, this is A Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Git. Ah!

Mr. Git: (T.J.) Hello, I noticed a slight look of anxiety cross your face for a moment just then, but you needn't worry - I'm used to it. That's the trouble of having a surname like Git.

John: (M.P.) Oh ... yes, yes.

Mr. Git: We did think once of having it changed by deed-poll, you know - to Watson or something like that. But A Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Watson's just as bad eh?

John: Yes, yes, I suppose so.

Mrs. Git approaches.

Mr. Git: Oh, that's my wife. Darling! Come and meet Mr... what was it?

John: Stokes - John Stokes.

Mr. Git: Oh yes. John Stokes, this is my wife, Dreary Fat Boring Old.

John: Oh, er, how do you do.

Mrs. Git: (J.C.) How do you do.

Mrs. Stokes appears.

Mrs. Stokes: (C.C.) Darling, there you are!

John: Yes, yes, here I am, yes.

Mr. Git: Oh, is this your wife?

John: Yes, yes, yes, this is the wife. Yes. Um darling, these, these are the Gits.

Mrs. Stokes: (slightly shocked) What?

John: The Gits.

Mr. Git: Oh, heaven's sakes we are being formal. Does it have to be surnames?

John: Oh, no, no. Not at all. No. Um, no, this... this... this is my wife Norah, er, Norah Jane, Norah Jane Stokes. This is Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Git. And this is his wife Dreary Fat Boring Old Git.

Mr. Git: I was just telling your husband what an awful bore it is having a surname like Git.

Mrs. Stokes: (understanding at last) Oh! Oh well, it's not that bad.

Mr. Git: Oh, you've no idea how the kids get taunted. Why, only last week Dirty Lying Little Two-Faced came running home from school, sobbing his eyes out, and our youngest, Ghastly Spotty Horrible Vicious Little is just at the age when taunts like 'she's a git' really hurt. Yes.

Mrs. Git gobs colourfully into her handbag. 

John: Do ... do you live round here?

Mr. Git: Yes, we live up the road, number 49 - you can't miss it. We've just had the outside painted with warm pus.

John: (with increasing embarrassment) Oh.

Mr. Git: Yes. It's very nice actually. It goes nicely with the vomit and catarrh we've got smeared all over the front door.

Mrs. Stokes: I think we ought to be going. We have two children to collect.

Mr. Git: Oh, well, bring them round for tea tomorrow.

Mrs. Stokes: Well...

Mr. Git: It's Ghastly Spotty Cross-Eyed's birthday and she's having a disembowelling party for a few friends. The Nauseas will be there, and Doug and Janice Mucus, and the Rectums from Swanage.

Voice Over: (and caption:)

'AND NOW A NICE VERSION OF THAT SAME SKETCH'

Cut to exactly the same set-up as before.

Host: John! Allow me to introduce our next-door neighbour. John, this is Mr Watson.

Watson: (still T.J.) Hello. I noticed a slight look of anxiety cross your face just then but you needn't worry.

Cut to nun.

Nun: (C.C.) I preferred the dirty version.

She is knocked out by the boxer (T.G.).

Cut to Women's Institute applause film.