THE MAN WHO IS ALTERNATELY RUDE AND POLITE

 

Animation sketch links us to a butcher's shop. Harmless looking city gent enters.

 

Gent: (M.P.) Good morning, I'd care to purchase a chicken, please.

 

Butcher: (E.I.) Don't come here with that posh talk you nasty, stuck-up twit.

 

Gent: I beg your pardon?

 

Butcher: A chicken, sir. Certainly. Here we are.

 

Gent: Thank you. And how much does that work out to per pound, my good fellow?

 

Butcher: Per pound, you slimy trollop, what kind of a ponce are you?

 

Gent: I'm sorry?

 

Butcher: 4/6 a pound, sir, nice and ready for roasting.

 

Gent: I see, and I'd care to purchase some stuffing in addition, please.

 

Butcher: Use your own, you great poofy ponagger!

 

Gent: What?

 

Butcher: Ah, certainly sir, some stuffing.

 

Gent: Oh, thank you.

 

Butcher: 'Oh, thank you' says the great queen like a la-di-dah poofta.

 

Gent: I beg your pardon?

 

Butcher: That's all right, sir, call again.

 

Gent: Excuse me.

 

Butcher: What is it now, you great pillock?

 

Gent: Well, I can't help noticing that you insult me and then you're polite to me alternately.

 

Butcher: I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir.

 

Gent: That's all right. It doesn't really matter.

 

Butcher: Tough titty if it did, you nasty spotted prancer.

 

Cut to the Grillomat in Paignton. The announcer is just handing back a cup and saucer to a waitress.

 

Announcer: (J.C.) Sorry, I asked for tea. (she takes it grudgingly) Thank you very much. (to camera) Well we've had the dessert and then, and so the first item, the last item on our menu of fun is the coffee. (waitress hands him back his cup) No, I did ask for tea.

 

Waitress: (G.C.) But you just said coffee.

 

Announcer: No, no, that was just my announcement, just a metaphor.

 

She shrugs and begins to move off. At the table just behind him we hear her complaining noisily in the background.

 

Announcer: We come...look would you mind keeping it down, please...we come as - as I said just now, to the coffee.

 

Waitress: Here, he said it again!

 

Announcer: Shut up!

 

   
 

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