Majestic music. An
oak-panelled robing chamber in the Old Bailey. Two Judges in full wigs and red
First Judge: (E.I.)
(very camp) Oh, I've had
such a morning in the High Court. I could stamp my little feet the way those
QC's carry on.
Second Judge: (M.P.)
(just as camp) Don't I
know it, love.
First Judge: Objection here,
objection there! And that nice policeman giving his evidence so well - beautiful
speaking voice ... well after a bit all I could do was bang my little gavel.
Second Judge: You what, love?
First Judge: I banged me gavel. I did
me 'silence in court' bit. Ooh! If looks could kill that prosecuting counsel
would be in for thirty years. How did your summing up go?
Second Judge: Well, I was quite
pleased actually. I was trying to do my butch voice, you know (puts on a
butch voice) 'what the jury
must understand', (back to camp) and they loved it, you know. I could see that foreman eyeing
First Judge: Really?
Second Judge: Yes, cheeky devil.
First Judge: Was he that tall man
with that very big... ?
Second Judge: No, just a minute - I
must finish you know. Anyway, I finished up with 'the actions of these vicious
men is a violent stain on the community and the full penalty of the law is
scarcely sufficient to deal with their ghastly crimes', and I waggled my wig!
Just ever so slightly, but it was a stunning effect.
First Judge takes off his robe to reveal a sparkly skimpy little number.
First Judge: Oh, I bet it was... like
that super time I wore that striped robe in the Magistrates Court.
Second Judge: Oh, aye.