REGISTRAR (WIFE SWAP)/ SILLY DOCTOR SKETCH
Man at a desk with a sign reading 'Registrar of Marriages '. A man enters with a neat little bride in a bridal dress.
Man: Are you the
Registrar: I have
Man: I was here on
Saturday, getting married to a blond girl, and I'd like to change please. I'd
like to have this one instead please.
Registrar: What do
Man: Er, well, the
other one wasn't any good, so I'd like to swap it for this one, please. Er, I
have paid. I paid on Saturday. Here's the ticket. (gives him the marriage
Registrar: Ah, oh,
no. That was when you were married.
Man: Er, yes. That
was when I was married to the wrong one. I didn't like the colour. This is the
one I want to have, so if you could just change the forms round I can take this
one back with me now.
Registrar: I can't
Man: Look, make it
simpler, I'll pay again.
Registrar: No, you
can't do that.
Man: Look, all I
want you to do is change the wife, say the words, blah, blab, blah, back to my
place, no questions asked.
sorry sir, but we're not allowed to change.
Man: You can at
Man: You can. I
changed my record player and there wasn't a grumble.
Man: And I changed
my pet snake, and I changed my Robin Day tie.
you can't change a bloody wife!
Man: Oh, all right!
Well, can I borrow one for the weekend.
Man: Oh, blimey, I
only wanted a jolly good...
A whistle blows. A referee runs on, takes his book out and proceeds to take the name of the man in the registry office, amidst protests.
break it up. What's your number, then? All right. Name?
the two in
the next sketch waiting. Cut back to referee, who finishes booking the man and
blows his whistle. The show continues. Cut to the two waiting. On the sound of
the whistle they start acting.
Doctor: (writing it
down) Mr Watson.
Watson: Ah, no,
Doctor: Ah, Mr
Watson: No, not Mr,
Doctor: Oh, Doctor
Watson: No, Doctor
Doctor: Oh, Doctor
Watson: Oh, just
call me darling.
Doctor: Hello, Mr
Watson: No, Doctor.
Sound of whistle;
instant cut to:
SKETCH HAS BEEN ABANDONED'