Bruces' Philosophers Song
 
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Bruce 
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
 
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel, (or Schoppenhauer and Hagel in some versions)
 
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
  
There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
 
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
 
Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
 
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
 
And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'
 
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.
 

 

 

 

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