Ferret Song
(From "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" and subsequently again on "At Last The 1948 Show")
   
David Hatch: Time now for a song. And who should be singing it for us but... John Cleese.
   

Tim Brooke-Taylor: Anybody should be singing it for us but John Cleese!
  
David Hatch: Be that as it may, here he is. John Cleese and the Loving Pruneful with... "The Ferret Song."
   
I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
He's got a ferret sticking up his nose.
How it got there I can't tell
But now it's there it hurts like hell
And what is more it radically affects my sense of smell.
His sense of smell.
  

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
It pokes its head out every time he blows
I can stand it for a while
Although it's absolutely vile
It's not as bad as last week when I had a crocodile.
 

I can see a bare-bottomed Mandrill.
Slyly eyeing his other nostril.
I really don't know what to do
But if it jumps inside there too
I shall be the proud possessor of a kind of nasal zoo.
A nasal zoo.

 

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
It starts singing when he wears his formal clothes.
I can almost stand the noise
But at parties it destroys
My hard-earned and carefully cultivated social poise.
   
I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
Worst of all it constantly explodes.
"Ferrets don't explode," you say
But it happened nine times yesterday
And I should know for each time I was standing in the way.
   
I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
He's got a ferret sticking up his nose.
How it got there I can't tell
But now it's there it hurts like hell
And what is more it radically affects...
My sense of smell!
   
Music: Bob Leaper (Traditional)
Lyrics: Graham Chapman & John Cleese

  

  

 

 

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