Ferret Song
(From "At Last The 1948 Show")
   
David Hatch: Time now for a song. And who should be singing it for us but... John Cleese.
   
Tim Brooke-Taylor: Anybody should be singing it for us but John Cleese!
  
David Hatch: Be that as it may, here he is. John Cleese and the Loving Pruneful with... "The Ferret Song."
   
I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
(He's got a ferret sticking up his nose.)
How it got there I can't tell
But now it's there it hurts like hell
And what is more it radically affects my sense of smell.
(His sense of smell.)
  
I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
(It starts singing when he wears his formal clothes.)
I can almost stand the noise
But at parties it destroys
My hard-earned and carefully cultivated social poise.
   
I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
(Worst of all it constantly explodes.)
"Ferrets don't explode," you say
But it happened nine times yesterday
And I should know for each time I was standing in the way.
  
I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
(It pokes its head out every time he blows.)
I can stand it for a while
Although it's absolutely vile
It's not as bad as last week when I had a crocodile.
  
I can see a bare-bottomed mandril.
(Slyly eyeing his other nostril.)
I really don't know what to do
But if it jumps inside there too
I shall be the proud posessor of a kind of nasal zoo.
(A nasal zoo.)
  
I've got a ferret sticking up my nose.
(He's got a ferret sticking up his nose.)
How it got there I can't tell
But now it's there it hurts like hell
And what is more it radically affects...
My sense of smell!
   
Music: Bob Leaper (Traditional)
Lyrics: Graham Chapman & John Cleese