Cut back to judges' robing room from
the Poofy Judges sketch
First Judge: Well, I was ever so glad
they abolished hanging, you know, because that black cap just didn't suit me.
Second Judge: Yes. Do you remember
the Glasgow treason trial?
First Judge: Oh yes, I wore a body
stocking all through it.
Second Judge: No, hen, with the party
First Judge: Oh, that's right. You
were walking out with that very butch Clerk of the Court.
Second Judge: That's right. Ooh, he
made me want to turn Queen's evidence.
We see the end credits start
rolling over the top. Theme tune
heard quietly as judges continue.
First Judge: Oh, me too. One summing
up and I'm anybody's.
Second Judge: Anyway, Bailie
First Judge: Ooh, her?
Second Judge: Yes. She's so strict.
She was on at me for giving dolly sentences, you know, specially in that arson
First Judge: What was the verdict?
Second Judge: They preferred the
First Judge: Mm. I love the Scottish
Assizes. I know what they mean by a really well-hung jury.
Second Judge: Ooh! Get back in the
witness box, you're too sharp to live!
First Judge: I'll smack your little
Second Judge: Ooh! and again.
First Judge: Have you tried that new
body rub JP's use?
Second Judge: I had a magistrate in
First Judge: Funnily enough I felt
like one in a lunchtime recess today. (credits end) But the ones I really like
are those voice over announcers on the BBC after the programs are over.
Second Judge: Oh, aye, of course,
they're as bent as safety pins.
First Judge: I know, but they've got
beautiful speaking voices, haven't they? 'And now a choice of viewing on BBC
Second Judge: 'Here are tonight's
First and Second Judges: Mmm.