Cut back to judges' robing room from the Poofy Judges sketch


First Judge: Well, I was ever so glad they abolished hanging, you know, because that black cap just didn't suit me.


Second Judge: Yes. Do you remember the Glasgow treason trial?


First Judge: Oh yes, I wore a body stocking all through it.


Second Judge: No, hen, with the party afterwards.


First Judge: Oh, that's right. You were walking out with that very butch Clerk of the Court.


Second Judge: That's right. Ooh, he made me want to turn Queen's evidence.


We see the end credits start rolling over the top. Theme tune heard quietly as judges continue.


First Judge: Oh, me too. One summing up and I'm anybody's.


Second Judge: Anyway, Bailie Anderson.


First Judge: Ooh, her?


Second Judge: Yes. She's so strict. She was on at me for giving dolly sentences, you know, specially in that arson case.


First Judge: What was the verdict?


Second Judge: They preferred the brown wig.


First Judge: Mm. I love the Scottish Assizes. I know what they mean by a really well-hung jury.


Second Judge: Ooh! Get back in the witness box, you're too sharp to live!


First Judge: I'll smack your little botty!


Second Judge: Ooh! and again.


First Judge: Have you tried that new body rub JP's use?


Second Judge: I had a magistrate in Bradford yesterday.


First Judge: Funnily enough I felt like one in a lunchtime recess today. (credits end) But the ones I really like are those voice over announcers on the BBC after the programs are over.


Second Judge: Oh, aye, of course, they're as bent as safety pins.


First Judge: I know, but they've got beautiful speaking voices, haven't they? 'And now a choice of viewing on BBC Television.'


Second Judge: 'Here are tonight's football results.'


First and Second Judges: Mmm.


Fade out.





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