Poster: 'Wanted For Armed
Robbery - Basil' with a picture of a sheep. Exciting crime-type music. Mix
through to newspaper headlines: 'Farmers Ambushed in Pen', 'Merino Ram in
Wages Grab'. Eerie science fiction music; mix through to a laboratory. A
scientist looking through microscope and his busty attractive assistant.
It's an entirely new
strain of sheep, a killer sheep that can not only hold a rifle but is also a
But where are they coming
Professor: That I don't know. I just
don't know. I really just don't know. I'm afraid I really just don't know. I'm
afraid even I really just don't know. I have to tell you I'm afraid even I
really just don't know. I'm afraid I have to tell you... (she hands him a glass
of water which she had been busy getting as soon as he started into this speech)
... thank you ... (resuming normal breezy voice) ... I don't know. Our only clue
is this portion of wolf's clothing which the killer sheep ...
Cut to Viking.
... was wearing...
Cut back to sketch.
Professor: ... in yesterday's raid on
Assistant: I'll carry out tests on it
straight away, professor.
She opens a door to another lab; but
it is full of cricketers.
Hello, is the third test
in here, please?
She slams the door on them.
Assistant: Professor, there are some
cricketers in the laboratory.
Professor: This may be even more
serious than even I had at first been imagining. What a strange... strange line.
There's no time to waste. Get me the Chief Commissioner of Police.
Assistant: Yes, sir!
She opens a cupboard and slides out
the Chief Commissioner of Police on a sort of slab. He grins and waves cheerily.
'This is Your Life' music and applause.
Professor: No, no, on the phone.
Assistant: Oh... (she pushes him back
Professor: Look of fear! (he is
staring transfixed at something in the doorway) Another strange line. Look out,
Miss Garter Oil!
Assistant: Professor! What is it?
What have you seen?
Professor: Look - there, in the
Cut to doorway: through it is
animation of a huge sheep with an eye patch.
Assistant: Urghhh! Arthur X! Leader
of the Pennine Gang!
Animation: perhaps even mixed with
stock film - as the fevered mind of Gilliam takes it - sheep armed to the teeth,
sheep executing dangerous raids, Basil Cassidy and the Sundance Sheep, sheep
with machine gun coming out of its arse etc.
At the end of the animation, cut to
studio. A narrator sitting in what could be a news set at a desk.
Narrator: But soon the killer sheep
began to infect other animals with its startling intelligence. Pussy cats began
to arrange mortgages, cocker spaniels began to design supermarkets...
Cut back to the animation again: a
Parrot: And parrots started to
announce television programmes. It's 8 o'clock and time for the News.
This sketch leads on to the News for Parrots