THE NEWS FOR PARROTS/ THE NEWS FOR GIBBONS/ TODAY IN PARLIAMENT/ THE NEWS FOR WOMBATS
This sketch carries on from the Killer Sheep sketch
Narrator: (M.P.)
But soon the killer sheep began to infect other animals with its
startling intelligence. Pussy cats began to arrange mortgages, cocker spaniels
began to design supermarkets...
Cut back to the
animation again: a parrot.
Parrot: And parrots started to announce television programmes. It's 8 o'clock and time for the News.
Narrator: Good
evening. Here is the news for Parrots. No parrots were involved in an accident
on the M1 today when a lorry carrying high-octane fuel was in collision with a
bollard. That's a bollard and not a parrot. A spokesman for parrots said he was
glad no parrots were involved. The Minister of Technology (photo of minister
with parrot on his shoulder) today met the three Russian leaders (cut to
photograph of Brezhnev, Podgorny and Kosygin all in a group and each with a
parrot on his shoulder) to discuss a £4 million airliner deal...(cut back to
narrator) None of them went in the cage, or swung on the little wooden trapeze
or ate any of the nice millet seed yum, yum. That's the end of the news, now our
program for parrots continues with part three of 'A Tale of Two Cities',
specially adapted for parrots by Joey Boy. The story so far, Dr. Manette is in
England after eighteen years (as he speaks French Revolution type music creeps
in under his words) in the Bastille. His daughter Lucy awaits her lover Charles
Darney, who we have just learned is in fact the nephew of the Marquis de St
Evremond, whose cruelty had placed Manette in the Bastille. Darney arrives to
find Lucy tending her aged father.
Superimposed
caption: 'LONDON 1793'
Music reaches a
climax and we mix slowly through to an eighteenth-century living room. Lucy is
nursing her father. Some low music continues over. Suddenly the door bursts open
and Charles Darnay enters.
Darnay: (G.C.)
(in
parrot voice) 'Allo, 'allo.
Lucy: (C.C.) 'Allo,
'allo, 'allo.
Old Man: (T.J.)
'Allo, 'allo, 'allo.
Darnay: Who's a
pretty boy, then?
Lucy: 'Allo, 'allo,
'allo.
And so on...
Cut back to the
narrator.
Narrator: And while
that's going on, here is the news for gibbons. No gibbons were involved in...
The narrator's
voice fade.
Voice Over: And
while that's going on, here from Westminster is a parliamentary report for
Humans.
Cyril: (E.I.) In
the debate, a spokesman accused the government of being silly and doing not at
all good things. The member accepted this in the spirit of healthy criticism,
but denied that he had ever been naughty with a choir boy. Angry shouts of 'What
about the Watermelon then?' were ordered then by the speaker to be stricken from
the record and put into a brown paper bag in the lavvy. Any further
interruptions would be cut off and distributed amongst the poor. For the
Government, a front-bench spokesman said the Agricultural Tariff would have to
be raised, and he fancied a bit. Furthermore, he argued, this would give a large
boost to farmers, and a lot of fun to him, his friends, and Miss Moist of
Knightsbridge. From the back benches there were opposition shouts of 'Postcards
for sale' and a healthy cry of 'Who likes a sailor then?' from the Minister
without Portfolio. Replying, the Shadow Minister said he could no longer deny
the rumours, but he and the Dachshund were very happy. And in any case he argued
rhubarb was cheap, and what was the harm in a sauna bath?
Cut to original
narrator.
Narrator: ...were
not involved. The Minister of Technology (cut to photograph of minister with a
wombat on his shoulder) met the three Russian leaders (Russian leaders again all
with wombats on their shoulders) today to discuss a £4 million airliner
deal....none of them were indigenous to Australia, carried their babies in
pouches, or ate any of those yummy Eucalyptus leaves. Yum Yum. That’s the news
for wombats, and now Attila the Bun!
Animation: a
vicious rampaging bun.
Voice Over: Well that's all for Attila the Bun, and now - idiots!
