Brief stock shot of a Viking ship.
Waitress: (over Vikings) Shut up!
Vikings: (still singing) Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: Why not?
Waitress: It wouldn't be egg, bacon, spam and sausage, would it.
Wife: (shrieks) I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: (singing) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! (Vikings stop) Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (the Vikings start singing and drown her words)
Vikings: .. . lovely spam, wonderful, spam.
Waitress: Shut up! Shut up!
The Vikings shut up momentarily. Enter the Hungarian from the phrasebook sketch.
Hungarian: (J.C.) Great boobies, honeybun, my lower intestine is full of spam, egg, spam, bacon, spam, tomato, spam ...
Vikings: (starting up again) Spam, spam, spam, spam ...
Waitress: Shut up
A policeman rushes in and bundles the Hungarian out.
Hungarian: My nipples explode...
Cut to a historian.
Superimposed caption: 'A HISTORIAN'
Historian: (M.P.) Another great Viking victory was at the Green Midget cafe at Bromley. Once again the Viking strategy was the same. They sailed from these fiords here, (indicating a map with arrows on it) assembled at Trondheim and waited for the strong north-easterly winds to blow their oaken galleys to England whence they sailed on May 23rd. Once in Bromley they assembled in the Green Midget cafe and spam selecting a spam particular spam item from the spam menu would spam, spam, spam, spam, spam ...
The backdrop behind him rises to reveal the cafe again, The Vikings start singing again and the historian conducts them
Vikings: (singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spam, wonderful spam. Lovely spam wonderful spam...
Mr and Mrs Bun rise slowly in the air
Superimposed caption: 'IN 1970 MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS LAY IN RUINS, AND THEN THE WORDS ON THE SCREEN SAID:'
Fade out and roll credits, which read:
Voice Over: Haagbard Etheldronga and his Viking hordes are currently appearing in 'Grin and Pillage it' at the Jodrell Theatre, Colwyn Bay. 'The Dirty Hungarian Phrase Book' is available from Her Majesty's Stationery Office, price - a kiss on the bum.
Fade out. Fade in in Karl Marx and Che Guevara lying post-coitally in bed. Karl switches off the light